I Loved You And Now I Blog About It
by pieface98
Summary: When Nina and Fabian broke up, Nina began to write her feelings in a blog. Follow their story together, when they're apart, and see how words can bring them together again. T for cursing and stuff... used to be the way i loved you
1. Dear Devil

"_I've heard it's said, that people come into our lives for a reason bringing something we must learn. And we are led to lose who help us most grow if we let them and we help them in return. Well I don't know if I believe that's true, but I know I'm who I am today because I knew you."_

_-Wicked, For Good_

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**Disclaimer: I don't think I've ever done one of these… whoops. Anyway, I don't own House of Anubis, but I do own the plot line of this story. So please, try not to rip me off.**

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_August 13__th__, 2012_

_If you're reading this and you're expecting some kind of happy story full of kissing, love, and passionate sex, stop reading right now because this is not the story for you. Sure, it starts off that way, but it will not end that way. _

_I, Nina Martin, have never in my life fallen in love. Until about a month ago, when I met the devil, Fabian Rutter. He was what I dreamed my man to be like. Chivalrous, kind-hearted, and not to mention extremely hansom. But then, as of about two hours ago, he's seen as a complete dickhead, an arrogant tool, and a fucking ass-whole. _

_So, this is why I'm writing to all of you. Why I'm writing this blog. To tell you the story of my heartbreak. Amber said it would help me get rid of my negative feelings towards the devil, but honestly it's only making me more pissed off. I mean, I'm practically banging on the keyboard right now! So thanks Amber, now I'm going to scare people._

_Oh and Mick, if you're reading this, thanks a lot. You introduced me to that dickwad. I blame you. You're fault! If you hadn't decided it was a great idea to invite your ass-whole friend to a party, I never would have met him! Why did you have to invite him? Hell, why did you introduce me to him?_

_Eddie, if you're reading this (which I doubt, because since when do you read?) you should know that you were totally wrong. You were the idiot who told me it was a good idea to date him. Yeah, readers, never listen to your idiot cousin when he tells you to date someone. Seriously, it's never the right choice._

_By the way Patricia, I feel really bad for you. You're stuck with Eddie as a fiancé. _

_Amber, you're a great friend and Alfie's lucky to have you, but why did you let me date that ass-whole! I mean, don't you have some kind of best friend instinct when it comes down to that stuff?_

_And then we come full circle to Fabian… thank you so much for taking my heart and ripping it to shreds. Thanks for all the heartbreak and pain you've caused me. Thank you for being arrogant idiot. I've never hated a person more. _

_Well, I guess you kind of want to know what the hell I'm talking about. So I guess I'll start at the beginning…_

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**You guys should know how I operate. The first chapter will be short! Credit to my sister for coming up with the name and it had no relation to the song by Taylor Swift.**


	2. The Tragedy that is The Story of Us

"_And the story of us looks a lot like a tragedy now."_

_-Taylor Swift, The Story of Us_

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**Disclaimer: I don't own House of Anubis. I only own my plot thankyouverymuch.**

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July 4th, 2012

Nina looked to her left and right, looking for anyone who needed a drink. Besides her of course.

The party she was serving tonight was being thrown by some rich person, obviously. Maybe a surgeon or a lawyer or something along those lines. Aren't they lucky?

Nina was a florist. And, by night, a server for a catering company. Nina became a florist because she'd always liked flowers. Well, her mother always did. Her parents died when she was young, so after careful consideration, she moved in with her aunt and uncle. Plus her cousin Eddie. After a while, Nina and Eddie moved to England. It was a seriously random choice. Kind of last minute too. See, Eddie's parents were British. They moved to America because Eddie's dad, Eric, got a teaching job there. Then they all moved back over when Eddie and Nina were eighteen.

"Nina," one of the other servers said tapping her shoulder, "You can take a break." She grabbed Nina's tray and Nina walked to the back, where she sat down and grabbed her cell phone. There was a text message from Eddie waiting for her.

_There's a party at Mick's tomorrow. Patricia's going, so is Amber (obviously). You should come, you tool._

Nina rolled her eyes at the simple idiocy of Eddie. That was his banter. Calling Nina names, but she knew he meant well.

_I'm at work._

_So?_

_So, stop texting me!_

_Are you coming to the freakin' party or not?_

_I'll go if you stop annoying me!_

Nina closed her phone and grabbed another tray of appetizers.

* * *

_August 13__th__, 2012_

_And that my readers, is where my life went to shit. Had I not agreed to go to that party, I wouldn't have met Fabian. I wouldn't have gotten my heart broken by that stupid schmuck. I hate him like I've never hated someone before. _

_Now that I think about it… it's all Eddie's fault I had my heart broken!_

_I mean, once you know the whole story you'll totally agree with me. I mean, he's an ass. God, maybe if I want to be a good blogger I should stop starting every sentence with 'I mean.' Oy, I need therapy. Well… I think I do. Amber said that this is as good as therapy, plus it's cheaper. Except, I'm venting to someone who's not responding back to me…_

_So anyway, deciding to go to the damn party was my mistake. I should not have said yes. Ever. Not in my life. If I could go back in time I would- _

_The funny thing is I can't finish that sentence. As much as I hate him, I still can't stop loving him. I have never truly fallen in love before. He's the only guy I've ever really fallen for. Sure I've had boyfriends and stuff but they've never made me feel the way he did. That… feeling! I can feel the damn love rushing through my body when I see-_

_Stop Nina! He's an ass! He broke your heart and left you to pick up the pieces._

_But then again… he didn't._

_Well, you won't understand what I'm talking about until I tell you the whole story, so why don't I get back to it._

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July 5th, 2012

Nina walked into Mick's apartment, in a simple pair of jeans with a tank top and cardigan. Nina knew that Mick wasn't all that fancy, so she never went to his parties in dresses or whatever. Amber, Mick's cousin and Nina's best friend, was always in a dress though. She couldn't help it. It was her nature.

Nina met Mick through Eddie. It was a funny story when they met actually. Nina had already known Amber and Eddie wanted to have lunch one day. He said he was bringing a friend (Eddie was trying to set her and Mick up actually, ha. Like that'll ever happen) so Nina brought Amber. When the four got there, Mick and Amber revealed that they were cousins. Funny, because Eddie and Nina are cousins too. Life…

Anyway, Nina and Mick became really close friends. They had a brother/sister relationship, much like Amber and Eddie. They were all very tight. Eddie and Amber were the only two in a relationship. Amber had met Alfie three months ago at a bar (ha) and have been going strong since (which is rare, considering it was originally a one-night-stand). Eddie met Patricia at the park (how random). Patricia had been running with her Rottweiler ,Rex, and Eddie was on his iPod. The story is pretty funny actually…

"_Slow down Rex!" Patricia yelled at her dog, who only sped up._

"_Watch out!"_

_Patricia heard the words before slamming into someone and falling to the ground as Rex (NOW) decided to stop and sit next to her._

"_Control your dog!" the guy said, rubbing his head._

"_Why didn't you stop, weasel?" Patricia sneered._

"_Because I was running! I was changing the song on my iPod and when I looked up your dog started charging at me!" Eddie protested._

"_It's not my fault you were running while staring at your iPod! That's dumb!" _

"_Calm down Yacker."_

"_Excuse me?"_

"_You heard me." Eddie said, "It was an honest mistake."_

"_If it was so honest the least you can do is apologize," Patricia scowled._

"_You're right. I'm sorry."_

"_Me too."_

_The pair stood in silence, just staring at each other for a while, until Eddie asked, "Can I get your number?"_

"_Uh huh."_

Nina rolled her eyes, remembering the story Eddie had told her that day. It was pretty funny when Eddie came to her asking if a day and a half was too early to call. Nina had explained to him that guys stupid rules about when to call a girl only pissed her off and he should really just call her ASAP. If she sees he's interested right away, it'll make her happy. And look where they are now, engaged.

"Nina!" Mick said running over to her and squishing her to death. "Oh look at you, you look so cute!"

"Mick Campbell have you been drinking?" Nina asked with a giggle.

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_August 14__th__, 2012_

_Okay, yesterday I know I stopped a bit abruptly with my story. I'm sorry. But just to let you know, you will not be meeting the famous Fabian about yet. _

_Yesterday, I learned that Mick had something to do with Fabian's idiot plan to break my heart. So thank you Mick. You have joined Fabian at the top of my shit list._

_And really, why me? Can either one of you answer that question? Actually don't, really both your voices sound like nails on a chalk board to me right now._

_Oh by the way Fabian, if you could do me a favor and stop calling my apartment and leaving voicemails trying to explain! I just delete them before I start listening anyway._

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August 14th, 2012

_Hi, you missed me but you can leave a message!_

Nina sighed, hearing her answering machine go off again. It's only been 20 minutes since she updated her blog and 19 hours since her break up with Fabian. Can't people just leave her alone for once?

_Nina? It's me. I hope you know that I had no idea what Fabian was doing. Nina, please I know your home pick up. Please. Fabian and I… we haven't… it was long over Nina. I am so sorry about what happened. I've been reading your blog though and I-_

The message cut off. She ran out of time. Nina contemplated calling her back. She was the only one who hasn't been like _Oh! I'm so sorry! That's terrible! _And her voice wasn't filled with pity. It was more like, consideration. Like, she was sorry about what happened, but she was more worried about Nina's feelings than pitying her. The phone started ringing again, but Nina didn't feel like getting up to answer it.

_Hi, you missed me but you can leave a message!_

_Sorry Nina I was cut off. I think you're writing's great again Nina. You haven't written like that since high school. It's really, really great that you're using that to get your feelings out. I know you Nina. I know that everyone is giving you pity and I know you hate that-_

Nina picked up the phone before she could get cut off again.

"Joy?"

"Nina." Joy gave a small laugh, "I knew you were listening!"

"Joy." Nina sighed, "Thank you. You're the only one who hasn't pitied me. You know how I feel about all that crap. It's not like they care, they only feel bad for me. But, you? You're different. You actually care about my feelings and you know that you have to give me a bit of time before calling and you are one of my best friends and I love you more than anyone."

"Nina," Joy said, "I love you too. You don't know how hard it was for me not to call right away! I mean, Nina you're my best friend! You know how much I care about you."

Nina and Joy had become friends after a rough start. Joy was the cheerleader in high school and Nina was a book nerd. Nina knew that Joy had good in her though. Whenever the cheerleaders teased Nina, Joy was one the one to tell them to knock it off. After being paired together for a project, the girls became inseparable. They bonded over similar likes and dislikes. Nina became a regular at all sporting events to see Joy and Joy was an active reader of Nina's stories and articles that she wrote for the school newspaper. They both went to University College in London and stayed in London in the same apartment building. Amber was also a very good best friend to both of them, even if she was a bit ditzy sometimes.

"You want to come by?" Nina asked, "Amber's been by a lot, but we need to have one of our ice cream fests."

"I'm already in the elevator Nina." Joy giggled.

* * *

When Joy arrived, the girls had been pigging out on all the ice cream in Nina's apartment. Then it happened.

_Hi you missed me but you can leave a message!_

Both girls silenced themselves as the message started.

_Nina. I-It's Fabian. Please don't delete this. I've been reading your blog…_

Nina got up to go delete it, but Joy stopped her and picked up the phone instead.

"Nina's phone." Joy answered, "Fabian she doesn't want to speak to you right now… you've got to give her time!... You really have a lot of nerve to call here after everything that happened… Fabian Rutter you really should just stop for a while… she'll talk to you when she's ready… no problem slimeball… goodbye."

Joy looked at Nina with sad eyes. "He wanted to talk to you, but I knew you needed some time."

"Thanks Joy."

"Anytime Neens."

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**Anybody have an idea about what he did yet? If you do leave it in a review! And, here's your preview for next time!**

"Can't you just… get her to pick up the damn phone?"

"I can't she hates me as much as she hates you right now."

"What about you dude?"

"Are you guys serious? I'm risking my life just talking to you two."

**Who said that, and which line did they say? Stay tuned guys!**


	3. First Time For Everything

"_So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep and I'll feel you forget me like I used to feel you breath. And I'll keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are. Hope it's nice where you are. And I hope the sun shines and it's a beautiful day and something reminds you, you wish you had stayed. You can plan for a change in the weather and time, but I never planned on you changing your mind."_

_-Taylor Swift, Last Kiss_

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**Disclaimer: I don't own (and sadly never will) House of Anubis. Fortunately, I do own the plotline of this story! See, I own it! DO NOT COPY ME!**

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July 5th, 2012

Nina glanced around the crowded room, silently wondering where Mick had gone too. Turns out Mick was drunk out of his brains and was probably puking his guts out right about now. The last she'd seen him he was running around shirtless.

"NINA! GET OVER HERE YOU LITTLE BALLARINA!"

Found him.

"Yeah Mick?" Nina called walking over to him.

"I wannanananana yous to meety my besty." Mick slurred, pointing to the guy next to him.

"Fabian Rutter." Nina sighed, "I remember you. You dated Joy."

"Joy? Is she here?"

"No she had to work tonight." Nina said.

"Well, you're certainly are looking well." Fabian commented with a small smile.

"Thanks, uh… same to you."

Nina had met Fabian once before. He and Joy dated for about a month, then it was over. Nina had met him on April 5th (she remembered because it was her mother's [birthmother] birthday). He seemed sweet, but she only talked to him for a brief moment. She didn't even make eye contact. But, now that she has… she can see that he has the most amazing eyes. It was so easy for her to get lost in them.

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_August 15__th__, 2012_

_Yeah, so I was immediately attracted to the guy. That doesn't mean anything about how I feel now though! Everything was amazing until all that crap went down. I can't say that I don't love him though. I hate him. But I can't say that I don't love him. _

_That would be a complete lie._

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August 15th, 2012

"Can't you just… get her to pick up the damn phone?" Fabian said to Mick as they sat in his apartment.

Fabian's place was a disaster.

When Nina found out what he did she threw everything she could at him. There was a lamp crushed on the ground, pots surrounded by dirt cracked against the walls, and two shoes on opposite sides of the room. They were high heels, which both Eddie and Mick hoped Fabian didn't wear.

"I can't she hates me as much as she hates you right now." Mick sighed, "Are those Nina's shoes?"

"What about you dude?" Fabian asked, ignoring Mick's question.

"Are you guys serious? I'm risking my life just talking to you two." Eddie said, putting his hands up. "If I even tell her, she'll totally kill me." Eddie took a swig of beer, "How did she find out anyway? I thought you said that you really loved her."

"I told her." Fabian sighed, "I just… couldn't stand keeping secrets from her. I felt like, if I told her, she'd be cool with it. But she didn't give me a chance to explain and thought I was going to break it off with her. So she started screaming at me and threw everything she could get her hands on at me. Even her shoes, which she left without."

"Why they hell haven't you cleaned this place?" Mick asked, "It smells like a bloody sewer from all that dirt."

"Haven't gotten to it." Fabian muttered, downing his beer and taking another one from the fridge, "Been too busy moping and calling Nina's place a hundred thousand times. She deletes my messages the second she sees them though. Read it on her blog. She's a good writer have you noticed?" Eddie and Mick watched silently as Fabian downed _another_ beer. He began to slur his words and mumbled many incoherent sentences. Most involved _Nina, shoes, _and _idiot. _

"Uh… dude? Maybe you should cool it on the beer." Eddie recommended, grabbing the beer from Fabian's hand and dumping down the sink so he couldn't get to it. Meanwhile Mick grabbed the last two beers and threw them out the window. A huge waste of beer and money but it was necessary. Otherwise Fabian would end up drunk dialing Nina or something.

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July 5th, 2012

The party was rocking and Fabian and Nina where totally hitting it off.

Fabian and her had been dancing all night. Songs that were upbeat and slow and some that weren't exactly slow, but not upbeat either.

Fabian felt so strange. He felt something for Nina, but then there was that thing…

He just couldn't.

But then again…

"Dude!" Mick shrieked, pulling Fabian from Nina.

"Yeah?"

"You know how you don't want to get with a girl because of that thing?"

"Yeah…"

"I've got a brilliant idea." Mick smiled. When Fabian heard the plan, he was in.

* * *

Later on that night, Nina was dozing off on Mick's couch.

"Need a ride home?"

Nina turned to the source of the voice and smiled, "No thanks Fabian. I live just a floor up."

"Then allow me to walk you to your apartment." Fabian said, "You know, just in case you get lost in the elevator. Or something."

"Thanks Fabian," Nina smiled, "I'd like that."

After saying goodbye to everybody Fabian and Nina left. As they approached the door to the elevator, there was an uncomfortable silence. Nina sighed, wondering what the hell to say. She came up with the ever-so-brilliant, "So, what happened between you and Joy?"

Fabian shrugged, "We had our differences. But, I guess it just wasn't meant to be, you know?"

"Yeah," Nina sighed. Lie. Nina had no idea what he meant. She'd never been in love before. She had no idea what people where going on about when they told her that they were completely in love, didn't feel it anymore, or something was just missing. She just nodded her head and smiled, pretending that she had a clue what they were talking about.

As the pair approached her door, the silence grew again. Nina unlocked her door and stepped inside, but turned in her doorframe, "Thanks Fabian."

"Anytime Nina." He smiled.

Nina was about to walk inside when Fabian grabbed her arm and turned her around again. "What are you doing this weekend?"

"Nothing."

"Do you want to catch a movie?" Fabian asked.

Nina looked at him. She was positive she felt something for him. She just didn't know what yet. So she sighed and answered "No" than shut her door for the night.

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August 15th, 2012

"Why can't I do it?" Nina cried, slamming on her keys, "I can't write it! But I want to so bad!"

"Nina, Nina, be calm." Joy said, holding back her crying friend, "If you can't write it, maybe it's a sign."

"There is no sign!" Nina sobbed, "I can write that I hate him, but I just can't say that I don't love him. Why?"

"Because you do still love him." Joy said.

"I hate him!"

"Nina, listen." Joy said, "It's a fine line between hate and love. You can hate him all you want, but real love doesn't just go away when a relationship does. It stays in your heart, waiting until you're ready to forgive. Because, love is all of that. It's forgiveness and lust and even at times it's hatred for the other."

"Joy, don't give me that shit right now." Nina muttered, "Because it's crap."

"No, Nina, it's not crap." Joy said, "It's the truth. You just aren't ready to hear it yet."

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_August 15__th__, 2012_

_So, yes, when I first met Fabian I didn't agree to date him. If only Joy wasn't so persistent. _

_So my friend Joy started to make think that I still love him, but I took her off that path immediately. Because, no. I don't still- And I still cannot type that sentence. It's so strange. I just can't type it. I want to say it, I really do. But I can't. That's why Joy thinks I'm still in love with him, but I'm just not ready to forgive or whatever. But I'll tell you something, forgiving is hard, especially when the person did something as bad as what Fabian did. Something that you'll find out later on._

_I've heard that giving someone a second chance, is like providing them another bullet to shoot you with. I've been drilling that into my head forever and I avoided falling in love, because I was afraid of what could happen if I got hurt. I mean, giving all your trust to someone and not knowing if they really loved you or not. So, I'm not giving Fabian a second bullet. And I'm not going to fall in love anymore._

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July 6th, 2012

"I'm sorry, who?" Joy asked Nina the day after Mick's party.

"Fabian Rutter." Nina answered.

"I thought you said I knew him, who is he?" Joy questioned, drying the dishes. Nina looked at her hard as she handed her another dish to dry. Joy looked back at Nina, silently wondering who the hell Fabian Rutter-

"Oh!" Joy shouted, "I remember him! We dated for like a month in April. He wasn't my type, but he really is more yours. You're both into like, history and whatever."

"Well, he asked me out." Nina shrugged.

"And!" Joy squealed, "Where is he taking you? Have you told Amber yet? Oh my god, let's call her! We have to get you ready-"

"Joy!" Nina stopped her rant, "You don't have to do anything. I said no."

"Why?" Joy whined, "He's perfect for you."

"I don't know," Nina shrugged, washing off a few forks and handing them to Joy to dry, "I just… you know how I am about falling in love Joy. I'm… waiting."

"Waiting for what?" Joy asked, putting the forks away, "You're eightieth birthday?"

Nina sighed, "If he asks me out again, I'll say yes. But that'll never happen."

"Why not?" Joy asked, "He's Mick's friend. You'll see him again, no doubt."

"Yes, doubt Joy!" Nina sighed, "I said no, what guy is that persistent?"

"The one." Joy sighed.

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_August 15__th__, 2012_

_Joy was always the one who believe in true love. The one who would remind everyone after a break-up that there's still the one out there, waiting for you to find them. Joy would remind me that even though I don't believe in love as strongly as she does (I barely believe in it) there's still going to be someone who will sweep me off my feet and make all my disbelief go down the toilet. _

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July 6th, 2012

Nina ran a hand through her hair and looked down at her split ends as she walked into a small coffee shop. She _really_ wanted a muffin and she had time before her hair and nail appointment. Sighing, Nina got on the semi-long line and waited.

Until that voice interrupted her waiting.

"Nina." Fabian smiled, "Fancy seeing you here."

"Yeah, fancy." Nina muttered suddenly nervous. _What if Joy was right? _Nina's mind raced. _What if he if (god I'll say it) the one?_

"Since we're both here, you want to get some coffee together?" Fabian asked, gesturing to the tables behind them.

Nina didn't know what to say…

"Uh… just a second." Nina said, holding up a finger and quickly texting Eddie.

_Fabian wants to get coffee. What do I do?_

_You mean the guy from Mick's party? Go for it Neens. He seemed great._

Nina looked up at Fabian, "Sorry my cousin just wanted to know how much to feed Rex… uh… I'd love to have coffee together."

Fabian smiled, "Great."

As the two got seated together, Nina texted Amber.

_Push my appointment up for later, I'm gonna be late._

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**There's chapter three for you! Review and here's a preview!**

"_**Nina! What the hell? Where have you been?"**_

"_**Out."**_

"_**Look at you! You're hair's a mess! Sit down now!"**_

_**Nina neglected to tell them the reason her hair was so bad was because Fabian had been running his hands through it for an hour.**_

**See you next time!**


	4. Our First Kiss, How Things Have Changed!

"_And you were wild and crazy just so frustrating. Intoxicating, complicated, god went by some mistake and now. I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain, 2 a.m. and I'm cursing your name, so in love that I acted insane and that's the way I loved you. Breaking down and coming undone it's a rollercoaster kind of rush and I never knew I could feel that much and that's the way I loved you."_

_-Taylor Swift, The Way I Loved You_

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**Disclaimer: I don't own House of Anubis. I only own my plotline**

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July 6th, 2012

"So Nina, what do you do?" Fabian asked as he sat down in a booth across from Nina. He pulled her chair out for her. He was proud of himself for remembering to do that.

"I'm a florist. And a server for a catering company." Nina said, "What about you?"

"I'm in marketing." Fabian sighed, "It's great but, I really like just relaxing home."

"Yeah," Nina smiled, "I love just relaxing. I have a greyhound and he loves to crawl up on my bed."

"I love dogs." Fabian sighed, "What's his name?"

"Mason." Nina replied, "Did you ever have any?"

"I did," Fabian muttered, "His name was Max… he was uh… a German Shepard."

"When?"

"Two weeks ago." Fabian sighed, "He was eight. He got out of his collar and ran into the middle of the street. Cab didn't stop quickly enough."

Nina moved over from her chair and sat next to Fabian, rubbing his back, "Are you okay?" Nina knew what she would be like if she lost Mason. Especially the way Fabian did. She'd be broken. She wouldn't be out of her house for a month. Probably only to get food or something. Pets… they become family.

* * *

_August 16__th__, 2012_

_When Fabian told me about Max… that was probably when everything really connected between us. It was like, just one comment and everything was changed for me. I remember hearing that sparky sound in my head. Like… magic just being flung everywhere. At the time, I couldn't even think that he was hiding something. That he didn't ask me out because he was attracted to me. That there was something else besides love behind those green eyes._

* * *

August 16th, 2012

"Nina!" Mick shouted, pounding hard on the door to Nina's apartment, "Open this door or I'll break it down!"

"Go away Mick!" Nina yelled as she published her blog. She set her lap top down and put on a movie. _Julie and Julia_, one of her favorites.

"Nina stop being a tool and open the door! I'd like to explain!" Mick said.

"Nina, he really just wants to talk." Eddie's voiced joined the conversation.

Nina sighed, uncrossing her legs and pausing her movie. She got up off the couch and unlocked the door, opening to the reveal Mick and Eddie. Eddie smiled and walked straight to her refrigerator while Mick stood in the doorway rocking from heel to toe.

"Yes Mick?" Nina spat coldly.

"I'm really sorry about what happened." He began, "But, I was drunk when I gave him the idea to… you know. But, that's no excuse anyway. I was really wrong and I'm sorry."

Nina sighed, mentally going back to that night and re-calling that he was very drunk. She hadn't been exaggerating when she'd said he was very drunk in her blog, that was the most drunk she'd ever seen him. He'd never taken his shirt off like that…

"Mick… I forgive you." Nina sighed.

"Really?"

"Yes," Nina stated.

"Yes!" Mick shouted, "Thank you thank you thank you!" He ran up to Nina and squeezed her so tight, Nina could have sworn he was about to cut off her circulation. The one thing that proved to Nina that he was truly sorry was his happiness.

"How you doing Neens?" Eddie asked, putting an arm around her shoulder when she plopped sadly onto her couch.

"Been better."

"You know what would make you feel a whole lot better?" Eddie said with a smile.

"A truck load of ice cream?"

"No, that'll only make you fat." Eddie pointed out, "What I was going to say was Fabian, dummy."

"You really think that would make me feel better?" Nina asked with sincerity in her voice.

"Yeah, I do." Eddie said, nodding enthusiastically.

The next thing Eddie knew, a couch pillow had come in contact with his face followed by Nina saying, "Well how do you feel now?"

* * *

July 6th, 2012

Fabian and Nina bonded quickly, almost instantly connecting. It was like, they were meant to just sit in that booth for an hour and a half. Like they were meant to find each other. Nina shook her head to herself. She knew that couldn't bet true. There was no one out there for her anyway, there was no point in trying. She was actually contemplating getting a tattoo that said 'forever alone' on her arm.

Then as if out of nowhere, Fabian leaning in and kissing her. Nina pulled away immediately, staring at Fabian with wide eyes.

"I'm sorry." He said immediately.

Nina couldn't stop staring into his endless green eyes. Nina slowly leaned in again, finally meeting Fabian's lips in the middle. His hand snaked around her waist pulling her closer to him as he smiles in spite of his situation. He could feel her asking for more as he pulls away this time, simply stating;

"My place or yours?"

* * *

"Nina! What the hell? Where have you been?" Amber asked as she flipped through a magazine in her "hair chair" as she calls it.

"Out." Nina told her with a simple shrug to her shoulders for affect.

"Look at you! You're hair's a mess! Sit down now!" Amber scolded, getting up from the hair chair and running a brush to the tangled mess on Nina's head.

Nina neglected to tell them the reason her hair was so bad was because Fabian had been running his hands through it for an hour.

"So, where have you been really?" Joy asked while she shampooed Nina's hair at the sinks.

"With Fabian Rutter." Nina smiled, as she plays back the scenes on their heavy make-out session in her head.

* * *

_August 16__th__, 2012_

_And know you know. You know how we met, how it all happened. How I'd fallen into his arms like a helpless little dog. Now that you know, you're probably wondering why I'd break-up with him. We'd spent three hours together that day. You may think I'm crazy for calling him the devil. But I'm not. I thinking something similar sometimes though… I'm wondering how someone who made me feel so good, could make me feel so terrible. For a bit more than a month, he was mu world. And right now… he still is. He's always on my mind (as you can probably tell). Even though he hurt me worse than anyone before. I'm still getting over him. And believe me it's hard as hell. Joy told me that the heart doesn't forgive too easily or whatever. Sometimes I just tune out when she goes on and on about that True Love mumbo jumbo because I could care less (sorry Joy!). Sometimes I'm afraid of what my heart thinks. When my heart says go back to him and tell him he's forgiven, my brain tells me I'm being an idiot who's setting herself up to be hurt again. _

_I don't know why I let my heart break. I've known for a while what it feels like, I've known what to do to stop myself from falling so hard that I end up hurt worse than ever in the end. Somehow, meeting him made me put all that in the back of my head and practically forget that it was there. And look where I am now. I'm hurt, again. I'm sitting cross-legged on my couch with a laptop perched in my lap, blogging to the world about my heartbreak. I am enjoying blogging to you though. I love those of you who review saying that I seem strong and I'll make it through this. It's reassuring for me._

_Some of you review saying that Fabian seems like a douche. He's really not. I was a bit… overdramatic in my first entry. I'd just had the most terrible break-up of my lift, so I think I had the right to be! Fabian, as you'll soon find out, is actually a very kind person. He's one of the kindest people I know actually… well until that thing happened. And can't stop myself from telling you all that either. But, he did do what he did and I'm having a hard time forgiving him for it. _

_Ever since he left there's been something… amiss almost in my life. Maybe it's him being gone or just me readjusting back to my life without him (or sort of… I've mostly been wallowing in self-misery and hitting Eddie with pillows). Sometimes I have to stop and think for a moment. I'll reach for the phone prepared to call him when I wake up… then I remember. You know, it could also be the feeling of having my writing out there for people to read. And I'm actually getting positive feedback. I used to write a lot in High School. I was in creative writing classes, journalism, I was even Editor of my schools newspaper. Then someone told me that my writing sucks and my ideas were pointless and stupid. So I put down my pen and closed my notebook for a while. Not that I hadn't been secretly writing some short stuff in notebooks or word documents that were immediately deleted. You guys who read this are the first to read my writing since I was seventeen._

_So, back to the topic at hand. I'll admit it. I do still love him. He made me happier than anyone in the world. But he hurt me worse than anyone in the world too. So… how do I know what to do? You'll find out exactly what he did eventually, then you can give me your opinion. _

_This is a pretty long entry, I know. But the entry after you actually find out what he did will be even longer. I guess the long entries are fun for you to read. Maybe in one of them… you'll end up in tears. Trust me, things are gonna get pretty sad. But don't say I didn't warn you! In my first entry I told you that this wouldn't be a sappy romance story!_

_He used to make me smile you know. Fabian I mean. He told me he'd never seen a better smile. One so bright. One so true. That must have been a lie. But, once he let it slip that I had pretty eyes. He hadn't been planning to tell me because I'd seen his eyes get wide and his cheeks flush red. Did he mean that? Or is he just an amazing actor? I'd love to believe the first choice, but how can I know? Oh right, I can't._

_Some of you reading this probably have boyfriends or fiancées or husbands even. I dreamt that Fabian and I would be there one day. Have those dreams gone away? NO. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, screaming from them. They scare me. Because I know for a fact that they'll never be my reality._

_He doesn't want me. Never did. He never will. I can't force him too, just like he can't force me to forgive him. If he really wanted me he wouldn't have done what he did. Right?_

_Every kid has they're dreams. Some want to become a Barbie doll who lives in a dream house and has the amazing husband named Ken. Others wish for a fairytale life. With castles and dragons and horses that fly, complete with a Prince to come and sweep them off their feet. But me? All I wanted was someone who would make me feel pretty or like I was worth something. But I didn't get that. The kids soon learn that there are no Kens or Princes for them. There's just heartbreak. _

_And then there's Fabian._

* * *

**Okay, I know it seems like I've dropped off the face of the earth the past couple days and I'm sorry but I've been a bit busy! PREVIEW!**

"**You admitted that you still love me. Why can't you just come back? I've said I'm sorry over a million times in those messages you deleted. Why can't you forgive me?"**

**She stopped the answering machine and sighed, "Because sorry isn't good enough."**

'**Till next time!**


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